Seeking Healing - 30 Days In Jesus' Hands - What Happened?
After years of being burdened with many illnesses, diseases, malformations, and side-effects I threw myself into Jesus' hands. For 30 days I trusted that Jesus would fully heal me of all my physical ailments. I stopped all medication, had no tests, visited no doctors. Even now that the 30 days are over I still believe that I will see miraculous healings in my body . .
What's Up?
These are my first really coherent thoughts after the emotional drought which followed the 30 days . .
It's been a long time since Day 30. I fully believed that Jesus would heal me; it is His nature and his plan, under the new covenant, to heal and to save all humanity. He died so that we could be free from sin and know salvation. He suffered and was crucified knowing that by His stipes we are healed.
(1 Thessalonians 5:9-10) For God didn't appoint us to wrath, but to the obtaining of salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with him.
The morning after Day 30 I awoke to a completely normal day. My body appeared to be unchanged. There were no signs that I had been healed of even 1 of the 17 distinct medical complaints that brought me into this amazing quest. Not one! Neither did there appear to be any ill effects from going a month without my medications.
Surprisingly, my weight was virtually unchanged even though, without actually trying, I had become much more disciplined: almost no chocolate or ice cream, no cookies or cake, smaller portions, hardly ever a second helping. These are significant changes; but they brought no weight loss!
What Happened?
What happened over those 30 days?
Many questions. No answers. I felt a need for a conclusion, a wrap-up, even some kind of follow-up.
It looks as though prayer didn't help. My prayer seemed to have little substance, it was watery and without real engagement.
This time reminded me of being in England all those years ago, with my mother 12,000 miles away. She was still my beloved Mom, and I her beloved John. Letters were wonderful. Phone calls really connected us. The rest of the time we were apart, my day was her night and my night her day, she knew none of my new friends, or work, or play. Moment by moment we had few shared experiences. This is how I was feeling about my relationship with Jesus. Out of reach. Distant.
There was absolutely nothing to write down.
I know that He lives in me. I am His, baptised in Him, fully immersed in His Holy Spirit. We cannot be closer together, it's like a spoonful of honey in a cup of tea. But, for more than two weeks this is not how it felt.
In truth I was still expecting something to happen any moment. Something huge and miraculous.
Normal Life:
Within a few days I had a routine check up at the plastic surgery clinic where they treat sun damage. They found two lumps or spots that need to be excised; these are keratoses or carcinomas and only a potential threat. The plastics people are very cautious because I have had 4 melanomas (perhaps the worst kind of cancer). A couple of years ago I learned that I have fair skin. All those years in the sun! Me, fair skinned! No wonder I have skin damage. Still, God can fix that; He can fix anything. He took away my stony heart gave me a new soft heart:
(Ezekiel 36:26) I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
He has healed me from cancer, smoking addiction, alcoholism, and from fear, and more. Also He has healed and delivered others in my family.
On about Day 40 Trish said she could see I was disappointed. This surprised me, but was true. It was not good to think about this disappointment because it allowed it to grow. Before long disappointment had become devastation and it was then a short journey to a spiritual crash.
It was abundantly clear that I had made a terrible mistake; my request to Jesus was quite beyond any bounds. How could I make a deal with God, the King of kings, that He would heal me . . All the old chestnuts came flooding into my mind: I'm not good enough. Others deserve His help but how could I put myself among them? I felt both worthless and useless. My study and teaching were useless. This Website was worthless. Everything I had ever done for Him .. useless.
That night Trish came and sat by me, clearly she had things to say, the kind of things that wives say to husbands. This was a time to turn the TV right off, not just mute the sound.
What a gracious, Christ centred, woman of God Trish is! She spoke for a good half hour. She prayed for me, over me and with me. Then we had communion.
Jesus said: (John 7:38) "He who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, from within him will flow rivers of living water".
For many years I was excited about the promise of these words, then one day I realised that Trish was like this. Trish was the very first person who I saw had rivers of living water flowing out of her belly; from her very essence, her self. Jesus flowing out from her. This was such a time. Thank you Trish. Thank you Jesus!
The spiritual crash was done, it was over.
Father:
This has been an unusual week; both of our daughters have especially needed a dad this week, Becky had some stuff she had to do and wanted me to stand with her. Kate is working long and hard to put her end-of-university-year art projects together. I can help with transport, handyman work and food. And encouragement. So lovely .. so "Dad"!
Father God said: (Isaiah 49:15-16) "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; all that I am building in you is ever before me".
Totally true. Deep calls to deep. Father God is saying to me: "John, I know what being a father means to you. Well, I am your Father. Always. All the time. I am building things in you, and will never forget".
Favourite Scriptures:
(Psalm 103:1-5 NIV)
Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
(John 1:16)
From his fullness we all received grace upon grace.
(John 6:67-68)
Jesus said to the twelve, "You don't also want to go away, do you?" Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life".
Praise Jesus
Amen
More +
An Email I sent earlier this week:
From: "John"
To: "Undisclosed"
Date: Wednesday, 1 December 2010 6:18 AM
Subject: Heart Healed ??
On Monday I took my pulse and it seemed to be in rhythm, the first time this phenomenon has been observed in several weeks. I didn't say anything because it seemed so unlikely to be true.
The next day I was in Royal Perth Hospital seeing my Oncologist. Completely outside their plans for my visit they gave me an ECG to check my heart.
It was beautiful . . the ECG showed perfect sinus rhythm . . no sign of Atrial Fibrillation. A second ECG confirmed this.
I'm now wearing a monitor for a week. I believe that the results of all the monitoring will show that my heart is back. Beating normally. Fully healed.
I can see no scientific reason why my heart has gone into sinus rhythm. Does this mean that JESUS TOLD IT TO? I believe so.
(Mark 11:22) Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God" (more correctly translated from the Greek: "have the faith of God - have God-like faith").
Since October 2009 my heart has only been known to be in rhythm three times, each for two or three days immediately after a major heart "reset" procedure (two cardioversions around the middle of this year and an ablation nine weeks ago).
This is remarkable and so wonderful! I am ebullient, and praising Jesus.
Thank you for your prayers
and your fellowship
and your love
Bless you
John
Permalink https://www.psalmsofjohn.com/2010/11/in-jesus-hands-more.html
Amen.
What's Up?
These are my first really coherent thoughts after the emotional drought which followed the 30 days . .
It's been a long time since Day 30. I fully believed that Jesus would heal me; it is His nature and his plan, under the new covenant, to heal and to save all humanity. He died so that we could be free from sin and know salvation. He suffered and was crucified knowing that by His stipes we are healed.
(1 Thessalonians 5:9-10) For God didn't appoint us to wrath, but to the obtaining of salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with him.
The morning after Day 30 I awoke to a completely normal day. My body appeared to be unchanged. There were no signs that I had been healed of even 1 of the 17 distinct medical complaints that brought me into this amazing quest. Not one! Neither did there appear to be any ill effects from going a month without my medications.
Surprisingly, my weight was virtually unchanged even though, without actually trying, I had become much more disciplined: almost no chocolate or ice cream, no cookies or cake, smaller portions, hardly ever a second helping. These are significant changes; but they brought no weight loss!
What Happened?
What happened over those 30 days?
Many questions. No answers. I felt a need for a conclusion, a wrap-up, even some kind of follow-up.
It looks as though prayer didn't help. My prayer seemed to have little substance, it was watery and without real engagement.
This time reminded me of being in England all those years ago, with my mother 12,000 miles away. She was still my beloved Mom, and I her beloved John. Letters were wonderful. Phone calls really connected us. The rest of the time we were apart, my day was her night and my night her day, she knew none of my new friends, or work, or play. Moment by moment we had few shared experiences. This is how I was feeling about my relationship with Jesus. Out of reach. Distant.
There was absolutely nothing to write down.
I know that He lives in me. I am His, baptised in Him, fully immersed in His Holy Spirit. We cannot be closer together, it's like a spoonful of honey in a cup of tea. But, for more than two weeks this is not how it felt.
In truth I was still expecting something to happen any moment. Something huge and miraculous.
Normal Life:
Within a few days I had a routine check up at the plastic surgery clinic where they treat sun damage. They found two lumps or spots that need to be excised; these are keratoses or carcinomas and only a potential threat. The plastics people are very cautious because I have had 4 melanomas (perhaps the worst kind of cancer). A couple of years ago I learned that I have fair skin. All those years in the sun! Me, fair skinned! No wonder I have skin damage. Still, God can fix that; He can fix anything. He took away my stony heart gave me a new soft heart:
(Ezekiel 36:26) I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
He has healed me from cancer, smoking addiction, alcoholism, and from fear, and more. Also He has healed and delivered others in my family.
On about Day 40 Trish said she could see I was disappointed. This surprised me, but was true. It was not good to think about this disappointment because it allowed it to grow. Before long disappointment had become devastation and it was then a short journey to a spiritual crash.
It was abundantly clear that I had made a terrible mistake; my request to Jesus was quite beyond any bounds. How could I make a deal with God, the King of kings, that He would heal me . . All the old chestnuts came flooding into my mind: I'm not good enough. Others deserve His help but how could I put myself among them? I felt both worthless and useless. My study and teaching were useless. This Website was worthless. Everything I had ever done for Him .. useless.
That night Trish came and sat by me, clearly she had things to say, the kind of things that wives say to husbands. This was a time to turn the TV right off, not just mute the sound.
What a gracious, Christ centred, woman of God Trish is! She spoke for a good half hour. She prayed for me, over me and with me. Then we had communion.
Jesus said: (John 7:38) "He who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, from within him will flow rivers of living water".
For many years I was excited about the promise of these words, then one day I realised that Trish was like this. Trish was the very first person who I saw had rivers of living water flowing out of her belly; from her very essence, her self. Jesus flowing out from her. This was such a time. Thank you Trish. Thank you Jesus!
The spiritual crash was done, it was over.
Father:
This has been an unusual week; both of our daughters have especially needed a dad this week, Becky had some stuff she had to do and wanted me to stand with her. Kate is working long and hard to put her end-of-university-year art projects together. I can help with transport, handyman work and food. And encouragement. So lovely .. so "Dad"!
Father God said: (Isaiah 49:15-16) "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; all that I am building in you is ever before me".
Totally true. Deep calls to deep. Father God is saying to me: "John, I know what being a father means to you. Well, I am your Father. Always. All the time. I am building things in you, and will never forget".
Favourite Scriptures:
(Psalm 103:1-5 NIV)
Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
(John 1:16)
From his fullness we all received grace upon grace.
(John 6:67-68)
Jesus said to the twelve, "You don't also want to go away, do you?" Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life".
Praise Jesus
Amen
More +
An Email I sent earlier this week:
From: "John"
To: "Undisclosed"
Date: Wednesday, 1 December 2010 6:18 AM
Subject: Heart Healed ??
On Monday I took my pulse and it seemed to be in rhythm, the first time this phenomenon has been observed in several weeks. I didn't say anything because it seemed so unlikely to be true.
The next day I was in Royal Perth Hospital seeing my Oncologist. Completely outside their plans for my visit they gave me an ECG to check my heart.
It was beautiful . . the ECG showed perfect sinus rhythm . . no sign of Atrial Fibrillation. A second ECG confirmed this.
I'm now wearing a monitor for a week. I believe that the results of all the monitoring will show that my heart is back. Beating normally. Fully healed.
I can see no scientific reason why my heart has gone into sinus rhythm. Does this mean that JESUS TOLD IT TO? I believe so.
Since October 2009 my heart has only been known to be in rhythm three times, each for two or three days immediately after a major heart "reset" procedure (two cardioversions around the middle of this year and an ablation nine weeks ago).
This is remarkable and so wonderful! I am ebullient, and praising Jesus.
Thank you for your prayers
and your fellowship
and your love
Bless you
John
