Dear Father and our Lord Jesus, I feel strongly to respond
in prayer to you, after my friend shared his prayer of Godly commitment last
Tuesday.
My heart knows that L's desire to give himself
completely is wonderful. It is what you ask of us, and I remember it from
reading Scripture, and about St Francis of Assisi and others. I thought that I
could never be that wholehearted, but admired it in Francis, a hero of our
faith.
When I hear teachings about Martha and Mary I can never see
myself with Mary's degree of devotion. I am so aware of my, and Martha's, areas
of responsibility and stewardship towards our families, friends and beyond,
that I cannot conceive of turning aside from them and totally towards you.
Instead I try to work a balance where I meet my "You are not your own", (1 Corinthians 6:19), devotion to
you and your Kingdom, while also meeting my worldly obligations.
Such a balance is difficult and I have often shared about it
with prayer friends without ever reaching clarity; I often feel overwhelmed
with all that is before me day by day. Help me please Lord.
(Perhaps too there is something of the mystery I find in
Acts 2:44-45 where the first Christians "had
all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings
and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need". I see no-one
doing this in present decades [except for those in the Bruderhof and similar
communities], and feel we are missing something big. I remember hearing about
the Pilgrims who did live like this when they first arrived in America, they
had no sickness until they started calling a parcel of land their own and
claiming title to it. I believe that this is similar to the Exodus: while your
people worshipped and followed you, you met all their needs day-to-day, their
clothes did not wear out and there was no sickness among them. Again, my sense
of responsibility does not allow me even to consider this course of action or
suggest it to Trish).
Some may believe that we should all be fully and totally
committed, full time, like St Francis, George Muller, John G Lake, and Mother
Theresa, but I cannot see this. Scripture tells me that each of us is
especially created, and that you want from us, each one, that which you ask of
us, and our love. It seems to me that you give all grace for this. Some people are
able to do lots, but I know that I can only do a little bit. It is good that I
see this and do not fret. I thank you that I now see that "small is
beautiful", and that many, many small things are happening in your Church
near me. We are growing and I am truly encouraged.
I am delighted that you have taught me so much about
obedience, and I do pray that you will continue to grow me in it. I often pray
for others that you will help them to hear your voice so that they know Whom to
follow and also may learn what, and Who, is truth (John 1:14); I pray the same
for myself. Please Lord, be clear with me, speak to my spirit, reveal yourself
more and more (Daniel 2:28; Amos 4:13).
The New Testament shows that you have unique work for every Christian,
(Ephesians 2:10), and I find great satisfaction in the ways you use me.
I truly want to thank you that you gave me a love for pondering
things, and that you give me such great things to ponder. Your sending me to
study theology at Tabor College when you did was just wonderful and has enabled
my latter years to be filled with delight in you, your ways and your people.
From this comes my understanding of your lead in my writing; now there are more
than 150 pieces we have written together. I am thrilled that people still read
the early work, not just the most recently posted. Thank you, I am so very
grateful, this is the most satisfying work I have ever done.
You will remember how I love the hymn "Here I am,
Lord"? Hundreds of times I have sung it to you from my heart. I remember
too, though it has been many years, and I still feel the same. Here I am Lord,
use me.
I know that I am free (Galatians 5:1), and blessed (Romans
5:2; Colossians 1:27), I am in your family (Philippians 2:15; 1 John 3:1), and
stand in your flow of grace (Romans 5:2; 1 Peter 5:12). Thank you, I am ever so grateful.
Bless us all Lord. Again I pray: Come Lord Jesus .. Amen.
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