Testimony of Jesus' Love and Care
"shut up"
- (transitive verb), to prevent all access to, to enclose, confine, or
imprison, to close all the entrances to, to close up, to lock up.
Lately, when I have been
reading Francis Schaeffer and A.W. Tozer, I see that they use the expression
"shut up", in a definite way; to them it means "Jesus, in His
love for me, left me with no other choice". Paul wrote the same: "But before faith came, we were kept
under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed"
(Galatians 3:23).
There are multiple "severe" (the radiologist's word) pinched nerves in my neck and this has a profound referred effect on my right shoulder, arm, hand and fingers. My doctors say that the different pain, weaknesses, tingling and discomforts that I experience are because every slightest move I make changes something in my neck, fresh urgent signals are sent through my nervous system to my arm and hand. Because the nerves are pinched the signals do not represent what is happening, rather they signal what the pinched nerves figure is happening from their pinched state. So, for me, it is intense, continuous, variable and inescapable. More than two months have gone by.
The symptoms vary and cannot be predicted. There was great pain, but targeted treatment has largely relieved this. Science has made great advances in pain management. This is good. After some adjusting I am blessed with a 24x7 program of three painkillers and anti-inflammatories.
But there is also tingling and a new kind of stiffness in my fingers, I drop things. Also I experience varying weaknesses in my right arm and hand, I begin to do something and suddenly find that I can't.
I have seen a specialist physiotherapist who helped, but the nerves stayed pinched. Now I am seeing a chiropractor. First he put my right clavicle (collar bone) back where it belongs, now he is working to release the two nerves which are still pinched, (one is released). Happily, I am calm and at peace and can sleep.
Even so, despite all the good care, I am in a constant state of distress. Something in me changed because of that traumatic impact. I can hardly explain, but I am different on my inside. I hardly leave our home. I attend almost none of my regular prayer meetings or fellowship with friends, and sometimes miss Sunday church. I suddenly became a homebody.
Happily, I am calm and at peace
and can sleep. |
This is where "shut up" comes in. It would be easy to wallow, "O poor me, all this pain and difficulty". But I am trying not to do this, rather to seek the truth of my lovely theology teacher's promise: "the answer to every question is 'Jesus'".
I am surprisingly more in awe of the beauty and majesty of the Creation around me. Our God made this beautiful world as a place for us to be as we learn to relate to Him, and to those around us, before we go to dwell with him forever (John 6:58).
Trish and Tom, our eldest son, go to work and I am largely home alone, but not quite, my frequent companion is Jesus (Matthew 28:20b); He and I do not talk much, mostly we are quiet together, companionable.
Jesus pops Bible verses into my consciousness and I ponder on them, this is spiritual and it is wonderful! I am not musical, nor a gifted singer, nevertheless our Lord gives me songs and hymns to sing: "And can it be .." has been in my heart for a week or so, this fills my heart with gratitude. I am told that we cannot be grateful and fearful at the same time.
And I have been busy with Psalms Of John. Lots of searching, thoughts and notes, some revisions, and lots of podcasting. Perhaps Father God allowed me to be "shut up" for this season .. so that I would press on (Philippians 3:12) with the work Jesus has given me (Ephesians 2:10).
My most recent writing was "Authority" and was about the Christian believer's authority in relation to our God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and His great plans and eternal work in the world. I am still pondering this, now with greater motivation.
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!" (Romans 11:33).
I may be "shut up", but I am free in Jesus (1 Corinthians 7:22) and at peace. Trish and I are both aware of the shalom in our hearts regardless of the complications and difficulties all around us. We continue to love and to pray and press forward, counting our blessings with joy.
Praise Jesus.
Amen.
Quotes and Favourite Bible Verses
Abraham Lincoln: "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day".
(John 6:68) "Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life".
(Ephesians 2:10) "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do".
(Acts 14:21-22) "They preached the gospel in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. 'We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God', they said".
(Galatians 5:1) "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery".
Hymn: "And Can It Be" - Charles Wesley - 1738
And can it be that I should gain
An int’rest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
’Tis myst’ry all: th’ Immortal dies:
Who can explore His strange design?
In vain the firstborn seraph tries
To sound the depths of love divine.
’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore,
Let angel minds inquire no more.
He left His Father’s throne above—
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For, O my God, it found out me!
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quick’ning ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’ eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
So grateful to be in your Kingdom Lord, rather than just this world (1 John 3:1), thank you Jesus.
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