Psalm Of John 1 - 2003

Back Story

I wrote this psalm in 2003, my first year at Bible College. I was really struggling and had been for a long time.  I didn't even want to go to Bible College, (it was definitely God's idea). I desperately wanted a job so I could take care of my family and make my way in the world, like every other husband and father I knew.

The head of Counselling at the College had a great reputation. I had no counseling classes that year but plucked up courage and spoke to her as she was headed to her office; I asked if she would counsel me. "Sure John", she said, "can you come at 3:00 this afternoon?" I was stunned, firstly she knew my name and secondly she made herself available so quickly! (I later learned that all the faculty there learn about all the students, and pray for them regularly). Well, we had some sessions which I found helpful, then she asked me to take a few weeks to plan and write a psalm, "you know, like David, when he was deeply troubled about things he would write, or sing, a psalm to God, now I want you to do the same" .. 

It was during those four years at Bible College that I had many spiritual adventures and fell head over heels in love with Jesus. I changed and grew.

At that time our local church used to hire a bus and head out to an Aboriginal Christian mission at Mt Margaret, in the desert, 1000 km (about 600 miles) from Perth, here in Western Australia. The local indigenous people held their Christian Convention every year over a long weekend in springtime. We would go and look after all the children to leave the grownups free to spend time with Jesus and to fellowship together. I drove the bus.

Each day while the rest of our team were caring for the kids, I would walk out into the desert, probably two or three kilometres, (being very careful not to get lost!) and sit in the stillness with my Bible and note pad and talk with God. One day I wrote this psalm, my first.

Psalm 1

I couldn’t be more out in the desert

Than in this place twelve hours' drive

From the coast.

This place you set aside in your wisdom

As a mission for our country’s ancient people.

Even here I feel out of things

As if I don’t really fit in;

Only good enough to drive the bus

then tell the kids “Don’t bounce balls inside"

And "Wipe your feet before you come in”.

This time is a convention where

We all set aside time for you Lord.

We've come from Kalgoorlie and Perth, and

Adelaide, Leonora, Laverton and Warburton

And from the white race too,

To talk about your big plan

For all of us for all time

White and black and Yuko from Japan too.

I envy David with his very easy way, his self confidence.

Grasping any opportunity to chat and befriend

Every stranger,

These soft spoken old men,

Very black and hunched in on themselves,

But at home in their skins,

Among their own people, in their own land.

The Easterly comes in over the desert;

It is your breath.

Just as the trees and hills it passes are yours.

I have always known that you are.

But not until the day you showed me how Jesus redeemed me

Did I see your awesome love and care

For me.

Yet often my heart is heavy with what is not.

No work.

Rejection. A shrinking, shrinking future,

Failure in every venture,

Crippled dreams.

All those years outside the norms of life;

Losing my fire, my joy,

As I search for you.

I know the heavenlies are my new home

But you did not cast me as a deeply spiritual person,

Like Abraham, say, or David,

I am still of the world.

My wife is here and my children, and my hours are here.

This is where I fail amid

Those contented hearts who are able to get along here

With friends, growing rich relationships.

And plans of their own;

Dreams which they can reach. So easily.

Showing this land to their children,

Planning a trip for the family to their homeland,

Helping children get started in life.

Retirement plans.

So many things taken for granted,

Gone beyond my reach,

Not for my family.

Which You gave to me, and made me head.

Now my bones are getting old and stiff

While my body grows tired and soft.

My energy wanes, it seems less each day.

So hard Lord, it is so hard.

Your teaching says we are not to be fatalistic;

Yet nothing I do succeeds.

I fatalistically do only what you open up for me.

Would that you would speak to me.

Am I so hopeless we cannot plan things together?

That you cannot sow your dreams in my heart

And we could work them together as Father and son?

Your Word says I’ll drink of the water of Christ -

And be satisfied.

Never again thirsty.

Yet I thirst each day Lord.

I long for that secure, shalom state

Where the “things of the earth grow strangely dim

In the light of your glory and grace”.

I grieve for my life’s dreams.

Yet even now Lord you know my mind.

Those silly impossible day-dreams,

They tantalise.

My understanding of you is puny, juvenile.

I know only little of who You are.

When I consider the lily and the raven

I know that, like them, You feed me and mine,

And give us shelter.

Yet I see you with your hand closed.

Am I not more precious?

When I ask for a fish

Will you give me a serpent?

The beauty of this desert surrounds me,

Trees sing in the wind as the clouds ride

The hand-painted sky.

Even here, where it is so dry,

You grow flowers.

Birds and tiny lizards make their home here,

There is no rejection

Everything has its place in balance With you.

Lord God, reveal yourself to me.

Do not leave me in this nether-land.

Amen.

Favourite Bible Verses

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want  (Psalm 23:1).

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.   For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.   Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!   Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?   Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?   "Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these.   If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you - you of little faith!   And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.   For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.   But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.   "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom"  (Luke 12:22-32).

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place ..  (Psalm 8:3).

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands  (Psalm 19:1).

By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth  (Psalm 33:6).

The Lord wraps himself in light as with a garment; he stretches out the heavens like a tent  (Psalm 104:2).

Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever.

To him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever.

Who by his understanding made the heavens, His love endures forever.

Who spread out the earth upon the waters, His love endures forever.

Who made the great lights, His love endures forever.

The sun to govern the day, His love endures forever.

The moon and stars to govern the night, His love endures forever  (Psalm 136:3-9).

He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name  (Psalm 147:4).

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

He was with God in the beginning.

Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

In him was life, and that life was the light of all humankind.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it  (John 1:1-5).

I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you  (Psalm 22:22).

Milestones

When I first became a Christian I asked my wife Trish for an NIV translation of the Bible for my birthday; NIV was brand new then and so very refreshing after all the old "thee" and "thou" language of the King James. The first Scripture I really noted was Luke 12:22-32 where Jesus tells us not to worry about our life or our provision or our self; that He'll take care of all of that. I've never forgotten these verses, but neither have I ever been able to not worry about these things! I also spent much time in the Psalms where many people, and most famously, David, voice their concerns, and their praises, to God. So writing a psalm for June, my counselor, did not seem too strange a thing for me to try and do ..

When Jesus brought me to establish PsalmsOfJohn.com I thought it would be full of psalms like this one which I had written in the desert so many years previously, but it's not until now that I feel to post it. Of all that I have written there are only a very few psalms.

Bless you. Amen.

Testimony - 19th July 2024

In Heaven there are golden bowls where our prayers go, they are as incense to God and Jesus and the heavenly host together in the throne room.

Since that time in the desert our Father God did give me work. I was involved in a number of exciting and challenging projects to end my career in computers.

And now I have work without monetary reward. My work is with and for Jesus, and I am house-husband for Trish who loves her work as a Home Economics teacher at a Christian school. She teaches life skills and "Bible" to teenagers.

Psalms Of John and prayer are big parts of my work and a very big part of my joy of life, my shalom. Praise you and thank you Jesus who answers prayer, thank you our Father God. Amen.

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Praise Jesus.